blah...too hot.... whine.... whine..where is my cheese?

I'm slowly rereading Created to be his help meet. I am reading my bible and praying. It is an all out battle for souls here. I have to remember I'm on the winning team. I am having a hard time here. I am heat untolerant when I am not pregnant but it is pretty bad pregnant. I can not convince dh to put window units in the window yet. He said I need to toughen up and it doesnt feel that bad. So I haven't cooked for a few days like I usually bake fresh bread and such. I haven't gotten up early as usual either because I am fighting again for a bed time for the kids. dh telling me how much of a control freak that I am. We are so working against one another. I have no clue what he is trying to raise ..other that tv addict children that think that I am a maid or something. Can you belive everyone got angry with me for telling them yo fix their own breakfats and sandwiches at lunch. The around dinner time..what are you making for dinner? uh.. nothing Mommy is waiting for the cool front to return. We have no ac other than the window units. I have swollen so much that I can NOT wear my wedding rings or my shoes. All heat related because my bp is fine... 100/60. I guess I went from one miserable house to another.As a teen living with my mom and her husband was pretty rough. I had a great husband and marriage until 7-8 years ago. Subtle selfishness creeped in. Now I don't even care to get out of beds most days. I think if I didn't have a 2 year old and was expecting a new baby I probably would be dead by now because I have loss energu to fight. I don't even know what I 'd be fighting for. I don't even know if my sacrifice of time and energy has even had a positive effect on my children? I am exhausted and wish I had a place to just go and rest for a little while. .. alone....I wish I had a maid for a few days to get my house really clean. because right now it is filthy. I wish the hot weather did not bring in fleas into my house. Every time it gets hot for the past 2 years since dh got these cats I am the one who gets eatten alive by fleas?? why I dont know. Maybe they think I am an animal of sorts?I feel so bad for my children having me for a mother right now. I feel like such a poor one.it is 1144pm here and 4 of my kids are still awake Sam the 2 year old has been down since 830pm.dh went to bed at 930pm. I would have made the kids go to bed right after him ..which is what I usually do ,but since he had an extra day off he made a huge mess he expected me to clean but I made the kids clean it after he retired. He has been trying to punish me all day for not cooking all weekend. But as long as its 90 degrees in this brick house with thick flea carpeting... I will stay far far away from the kitchen. Our family needs serious prayer and serious Christian counseling. I tried talking to dh about marriage counseling. He told me to go ahead and go. Because I am the one with the problem..the rest of the family is happy. Maybe it will help me to fit in with him and the kids. Maybe I'll learn to be a part of their family.

Today

Resurrection Sunday. I had a great day at church today. Was only sick for a few hours this morning. So I am quite happy.
Came home we had sandwiches for lunch and dinner. Without a/c and being 7 months pregnant it is way to hot to cook. Ronnie doesn't work monday. He said he may put a window unit ac in our living room before he returns to work. I am trying to save up money to get our icemake fixed to. Dh said it was leaking under the house ,so he shut it off and disconnected it sometime last year. I didnt care with cool weather ..but now I need my ice. Some of the family..dh and 10yods and one of my twins are upset with me because I refused to cook today and I refused to order pizza. Did I have change yes. Did I want to spend it on pizza ..no. I figured the faster I get some ice here and the plumber out the better. :o) besides sandwiches never killed anyone..eh??

I am nesting a little trying to get my tiny home ready for baby. Who will be here before we know it. I am a little worried about not having help or what I need. I'm having trouble here with help. I guess that is why I stopped feeling sorry for my family's request. I think we have made them spoiled ..so I am trying to reverse that asap.


In the picture about to the right above my sofa you can see Samuel's masterpiece. I asked the big kiddos to watch him for a half and hour because I was feeling really tired and sick. This is one of the things I awoke to. But I kept my cool. I want to paint my house so bad. I need those renovate your house or habitat people or something.
I have a long list of needs for my house:

• I need to finish tearing up carpet because it makes me and half of our kiddos sick.
• We need some rotted wood replaced
• We need to paint. inside and out
• More plumbing needs fixed
• It would be lovely to have these ceiling fans that have been in my closet for 10 years put up.
• I want tile in the bathroom but it isn't necessry ..just a want
• I have a ton of stuff in the attic I want hauled to a dump somewhere.

Short of divorce.. how do women deal with homethings and raising children alone with a husband who is physically there but can't seem to be mentally or emotionally for help?????

More pictures of the kiddos at play and schoolwork..

Its A....

We decided to go ahead with an ultrasound. I am at the week where Morgen died 20 weeks. So I kinda needed it for a little peace of mind. It feels
great to have seen all 4 heart chamers beating, untact spinal column and organs, 10 fingers and toes, all organs .
Part of me says I should have just prayed for peace from God. Another part of me has been depressed since I lost her and feels great with our decision
and with seeing a healthy baby. I'll sleep better at least for tonight :o)
http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f65/ucmamma/GalleryPic19w3dUS02-13-06CMOMB.jpg

We are expecting a baby boy in 20 more weeks. Mid summer.

Finally

I am starting to feel human again. The nausea is sporadic not all day any longer especially since I found out about eatting hourly and lots of good proteins. My blood sugars don't drop so much any more except first thing in the morning. I think I've been feling baby flutters for a few days now. First day I thought it was gas..lol. Now I remember that is what all the babies felt lke the first movements that I felt. Totally cool!!!
I am still recovering from the assault of pnemonia on my lungs. Somewhat wheezy still. I still get short of breathe from walking over a few meters. So my endurance is NOT. I hrew my back out a couple of days before New Year's Day. It is starting to feel a lot better. I don't have the constant spasms anymore. I think upping my Shaklee calcium has helped tremendously. It sure helped quell the leg cramps.
Right now I am working on a name for my home business.
New Year New Focus!!

You've turned my mourning into dancing...

We had visit to ob wednesday but didn't see him because he was ill at home. So we had labs-blood and urine.
We also had ultrasound. Which dated baby as 12w3d
and due date of July 9,2006.

Nausea

We are experiencing a multiplied wave of nausea.
Still happy to not have puked so far. Praising God for every moment.
Continuing my Shaklee "powerpack" as we call it here.
Well gotta go to bed. NOW!!!
Nighters!!!

Hi Kerri

Saturday November 5th, 2005
Went shopping. I had been feeling quite queasy all week.
??flu or baby?? :o)
So purchase a Clear Blue Easy at Target.{Idiot Proof Right}