Samuel,Jesse and Noah

Samuel,Jesse and  Noah
Three Little Partners

Monday, April 17, 2006

blah...too hot.... whine.... whine..where is my cheese?

I'm slowly rereading Created to be his help meet. I am reading my bible and praying. It is an all out battle for souls here. I have to remember I'm on the winning team. I am having a hard time here. I am heat untolerant when I am not pregnant but it is pretty bad pregnant. I can not convince dh to put window units in the window yet. He said I need to toughen up and it doesnt feel that bad. So I haven't cooked for a few days like I usually bake fresh bread and such. I haven't gotten up early as usual either because I am fighting again for a bed time for the kids. dh telling me how much of a control freak that I am. We are so working against one another. I have no clue what he is trying to raise ..other that tv addict children that think that I am a maid or something. Can you belive everyone got angry with me for telling them yo fix their own breakfats and sandwiches at lunch. The around dinner time..what are you making for dinner? uh.. nothing Mommy is waiting for the cool front to return. We have no ac other than the window units. I have swollen so much that I can NOT wear my wedding rings or my shoes. All heat related because my bp is fine... 100/60. I guess I went from one miserable house to another.As a teen living with my mom and her husband was pretty rough. I had a great husband and marriage until 7-8 years ago. Subtle selfishness creeped in. Now I don't even care to get out of beds most days. I think if I didn't have a 2 year old and was expecting a new baby I probably would be dead by now because I have loss energu to fight. I don't even know what I 'd be fighting for. I don't even know if my sacrifice of time and energy has even had a positive effect on my children? I am exhausted and wish I had a place to just go and rest for a little while. .. alone....I wish I had a maid for a few days to get my house really clean. because right now it is filthy. I wish the hot weather did not bring in fleas into my house. Every time it gets hot for the past 2 years since dh got these cats I am the one who gets eatten alive by fleas?? why I dont know. Maybe they think I am an animal of sorts?I feel so bad for my children having me for a mother right now. I feel like such a poor one.it is 1144pm here and 4 of my kids are still awake Sam the 2 year old has been down since 830pm.dh went to bed at 930pm. I would have made the kids go to bed right after him ..which is what I usually do ,but since he had an extra day off he made a huge mess he expected me to clean but I made the kids clean it after he retired. He has been trying to punish me all day for not cooking all weekend. But as long as its 90 degrees in this brick house with thick flea carpeting... I will stay far far away from the kitchen. Our family needs serious prayer and serious Christian counseling. I tried talking to dh about marriage counseling. He told me to go ahead and go. Because I am the one with the problem..the rest of the family is happy. Maybe it will help me to fit in with him and the kids. Maybe I'll learn to be a part of their family.